These Dark Winter Nights

Winter's chilly, dark nights have brought a little sadness and a little tempest into my heart again. I've been reckoning with anger, insecurity, loss, and fear. But... I am reminded of how Jesus came down to breathe the salty-sea air that harbors my tempest. I am told He breathed this nauseating air so that He could be close to me, so that He could feel what I feel--and worse. He did this for me. He tore the veil of stars, planets, galaxies; of time, space, and matter. He tore that veil so that He could see me--and you.

Christ is Born.

This is the point at which we all throw up our hands and break every promise we ever made.

But promises do still matter, right? I'm not just imagining that?

Scarred, Falling, and Bending

Scarred for all of a lifetime.

Falling unquestionably, perhaps foolishly.

Bending willingly, unwillingly—wishfully, resentfully.

Keep me. Keep me. Keep us.

Fear

I am afraid to turn out the light,
Because I'm afraid of what I'll see
When there's nothing else but the inside of me:
Nothing but a ruined, evil, broken, black and blue, bleeding, dying heart

Be my Light

Aching

There are not enough pictures. There are not enough videos. There are not enough words. Nothing is enough to stop this ache.

I just want him back.

This Hole

Who will care for me like he did? Who will hold me like he did? Who will protect me and look out for me like he did?

NO ONE.

Doesn't God know how much I need a big brother? 

Je Me Hais

Just when I thought something good was about to happen, I realize that no—I really actually am the worst, and I ruin every possible good thing.

Frustrated. Confused. Discouraged.