Saturday, March 31
Friday, March 16
You're In My Heart... It's True.
Hey there, Invisibles.
Well, I'm not going to try organizing my thoughts right now, so here they are in a handbasket:
Sanctity of life. Is life holy? Is my life worth anything? My life is a gift from God. God is holy. Everything about Him is holy. Does that mean His gifts are holy? Would I give up this life for Jesus? Would I die for him? What would it be like, to die? I know I'm not dead, but I don't think I feel alive. Everything seems so far away. Studying botany and interior design, being a missionary, opening a flower shop, falling into FREAKING LOVE((frustrated)), having many beautiful children, loving people, perfect and righteous satisfaction in God, confidence... Boldness. Vibrance. This whole school thing is cramping my style. Dude. I know I need it and I'm sure my not wanting to do it is just me being a lazy adolescent and I know that it's good for me and that I need to learn to work hard and do my best. But it's just that everything's moving so slowly. I need patience. Oh gosh... Have I ever mentioned that I HATE BEING A TEENAGER...? Rawr. Seriously. Everyone hates us, we have absolutely no idea what we're doing and then these STUPID, freaking IMMATURE little beliefs that we know everything and that we're perfect and that life should be all about us. Am I the only one who thinks this part of life is such agony? And it's not really anyone's fault but mine, yet it's still just a phase in life! Rawr. I want. To be. Done. Five more years... -.-
So yeah. You can probably tell that I've been doing a not so good job at enjoying God and His gift of life to me lately. I don't treat it like a gift when I should. I need to work on that...
It seems like I've been surrounded by babies lately, when I've really only seen about two in the last month. I've always liked children and all, even if I might say I don't. But I got a job babysitting in January for 12 weeks and I think it's been changing my perspective on the whole deal. Kids are such a joy! I've never thought seriously about having my own family until recently. I want children a lot. I want a lot of children. Am I the only one my age who does? Haha. It feels like it. Everyone else is talking about how one is just right and two is probably okay; but personally? I'd like a lot more than that. 5 sounds good. Why not seven? Why not ten? I'll probably think differently when I'm the one handling money and all that. But really now... I've just been enjoying babies and all a lot more lately. That is all.
And dude. Freeeeaaaakinggg men. Guys. Boys. Oh my gosh. Urgh. Bleurgh. *wretch*
...yeah, I haven't met my prince charming yet. We'll leave it at that.
Speaking of prince charming. Do you feel like a princess? I don't feel like I've had a lot of time to. But when I go on walks and close my eyes over the bridge and feel like I'm floating over the rushing cars below; and the wind and sun tease my hair and make it sparkle; and I pick flowers and breath in fresh air... That's when I feel like a princess.
Been trying to love people more. It's hard, but through God's grace I'm making progress.
I just need to be reminded of that. Through God's grace. I still need to be humbled in every minute and hour of every day. I need Him. Desperately...
Been trying to eat better and exercise. One meal a day is going super. I told my momma bout it, which is always the best. Always tell your mother everything. I'm not even sure why or how, but it makes literally everything about 75% better. Truth. I want to go shopping again... I wish I could totally renew my wardrobe. Get everything out and start over... Only drawback? It costs money. Rawr!!
So that's all. Hearts and hugs and stuff to my Invisibles.
-dN<3
P.S.— I have the best family ever, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Well, I'm not going to try organizing my thoughts right now, so here they are in a handbasket:
Sanctity of life. Is life holy? Is my life worth anything? My life is a gift from God. God is holy. Everything about Him is holy. Does that mean His gifts are holy? Would I give up this life for Jesus? Would I die for him? What would it be like, to die? I know I'm not dead, but I don't think I feel alive. Everything seems so far away. Studying botany and interior design, being a missionary, opening a flower shop, falling into FREAKING LOVE((frustrated)), having many beautiful children, loving people, perfect and righteous satisfaction in God, confidence... Boldness. Vibrance. This whole school thing is cramping my style. Dude. I know I need it and I'm sure my not wanting to do it is just me being a lazy adolescent and I know that it's good for me and that I need to learn to work hard and do my best. But it's just that everything's moving so slowly. I need patience. Oh gosh... Have I ever mentioned that I HATE BEING A TEENAGER...? Rawr. Seriously. Everyone hates us, we have absolutely no idea what we're doing and then these STUPID, freaking IMMATURE little beliefs that we know everything and that we're perfect and that life should be all about us. Am I the only one who thinks this part of life is such agony? And it's not really anyone's fault but mine, yet it's still just a phase in life! Rawr. I want. To be. Done. Five more years... -.-
So yeah. You can probably tell that I've been doing a not so good job at enjoying God and His gift of life to me lately. I don't treat it like a gift when I should. I need to work on that...
It seems like I've been surrounded by babies lately, when I've really only seen about two in the last month. I've always liked children and all, even if I might say I don't. But I got a job babysitting in January for 12 weeks and I think it's been changing my perspective on the whole deal. Kids are such a joy! I've never thought seriously about having my own family until recently. I want children a lot. I want a lot of children. Am I the only one my age who does? Haha. It feels like it. Everyone else is talking about how one is just right and two is probably okay; but personally? I'd like a lot more than that. 5 sounds good. Why not seven? Why not ten? I'll probably think differently when I'm the one handling money and all that. But really now... I've just been enjoying babies and all a lot more lately. That is all.
And dude. Freeeeaaaakinggg men. Guys. Boys. Oh my gosh. Urgh. Bleurgh. *wretch*
...yeah, I haven't met my prince charming yet. We'll leave it at that.
Speaking of prince charming. Do you feel like a princess? I don't feel like I've had a lot of time to. But when I go on walks and close my eyes over the bridge and feel like I'm floating over the rushing cars below; and the wind and sun tease my hair and make it sparkle; and I pick flowers and breath in fresh air... That's when I feel like a princess.
Been trying to love people more. It's hard, but through God's grace I'm making progress.
I just need to be reminded of that. Through God's grace. I still need to be humbled in every minute and hour of every day. I need Him. Desperately...
Been trying to eat better and exercise. One meal a day is going super. I told my momma bout it, which is always the best. Always tell your mother everything. I'm not even sure why or how, but it makes literally everything about 75% better. Truth. I want to go shopping again... I wish I could totally renew my wardrobe. Get everything out and start over... Only drawback? It costs money. Rawr!!
So that's all. Hearts and hugs and stuff to my Invisibles.
-dN<3
P.S.— I have the best family ever, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
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