Romanticism

Remember when our lives were a fairytale? When joy was just simple, so pure?

I miss that old mindset. I wonder sometimes if it'd be okay to take it back.

Typical Uselessness

Hello, Blogging World.

As it has been while, why don't I go into my usual soppy diary-like entry?

Sound good?

 

Let's get started.

 

  I am pleased to announce that there are now only four days, two hours, and four minutes until the day we can close on our house, and be rid of this tiny little two bedroom apartment for good. That is, if all goes well, Lord willing. After that, it will be a week until the NLE.

 

  Living here has been an emotional roller-coaster of an experience. It started off on a painful foot, as I was assaulted by the flu and then migraines for the first two weeks. It wasn't as hard at first, as you might expect, for us to adjust to the even closer quarters than in our old house. I think it was mainly because we were so happy to be done with all the stress the Fall semester brought with it, and it was relaxing to be able to spend solid time alone together, with nothing much to do, and nowhere really to go.

  Once Christmas vacation was over, David went back to work, I began my new school, and Micah commenced his final semester of high school. And house hunting began in full. It was a battle of the wills--urban vs. country, top-of-the-budget and ready to move into vs. cheap fixer-upper.

 

"I don't like this lay out..."

 

"It's too small!" "Honey, what are you talking about? It's too big!"

 

"You guys...why is there a sink in the children's bedroom?" 

 

I won't recount the whole epic story of how we finally ended up in this house, for the comic tragedy would be much better expressed in person. Next time you see me, I'll tell you the bed-time story.

 

  But, the point is, we finally settled on this one, and we're all (for the most part) happy with it. That happy family feeling has been graciously sustained by the power of God, but there have definitely been moments when everyone hated everyone. We will be happy when privacy--a concept we haven't really been familiar with for a while--is reinstated into our lives. It will be good, for the preservation of sanity at least.

 

  I think I've learned things, though. Recently I've noticed that my priorities are not straight, and I think this time has been a good alignment-agent, or at least a nice catalyst toward that end.

 

 In my battle against pride and a haughty spirit, I confess I have not done well. That has been hard, and many pity-parties have ensued, predictably. Much of my grumpiness and irritability was probably due to this struggle. It feels hopeless sometimes, like my heart of stone is forever unbreakable. God has been graciously hammering, though. Pray He will give me faith--He always prevails, and there is no stone He cannot turn into flesh.

 

  I'm making friends here! Yep, it's true. This week at CC, I told the girls about my dad's experience with FedEx and macaroni cheese powder. I tell everyone that story... One step in the bonding process may now be crossed off. I was even invited to a birthday party for one of the girls! A surprise one, that I won't be able to make it to. I feel a little bad about that... But I think I'll get her a gift anyways.

 

  Oh. My. Stars. You guys? There's this place called the Popcorn Emporium here. Complete with every flavor of popcorn you can imagine. It is beautiful, and... Oh... You just have to see it...

 

  Also coming up is my National Latin Exam/Florida visit/Spring Break! I was happily counting down the days, until I realized that I may as well be counting down the days to my own death by Latin exam. Noooo! *cue frantic studying* There is no end to the panics.

  I'm also... a little bit nervous about what I'll find when I go back. I mean, obviously no one's world was turned upside down by my departure, and I don't expect anyone to be like "delaney, at last!! I haven't breathed since you were gone!!!" Hahahah. That would just be impractical... and a little bit creepy. But part of me is afraid to find that it's actually been better there, and everyone was just relieved to have one less person to worry about. I'm afraid of the fake "We missed you!" and the strained, awkward small talk they'll try to make.

  But, I've decided--that's not how I should look at it. Even if they didn't miss me... I'll still be so happy to seem them again. I'll try not to care for much other than that thought.

 

I'm making progress in my efforts toward self-restraint, y'all. Okay, so if you have to limit yourself to only Facebook stalking someone who isn't even on your friends list to once a week...you have problems. (blarghblarghblargh&some rawrs) But, it's a step in the right direction! I will one day be weaned of this ridiculousness. (...sadly)

 

  Well, I'd better wrap it up. Here's to my first real, long-ish post in a while. I hope it exceeded all your expectations.

 

bye.

 

P.S.--did I mention I'm crazy excited for Spring break with three of my favoritest evers? ^.^ It's almost heeeereee!!!

I Just Want To Climb A Tree.

I'm starting to realize that I will never find anything like the beauty that I have left. But I hope I can come to cherish the new, different beauty that is here.

A Girl Can Dream

Crazy, stupid dreams, but sweet ones nevertheless.

Please enjoy the following selections from the lyrics to Taylor Swift's "Enchanted":

There I was again tonight 

Forcing laughter, faking smiles 

Same old tired lonely place 

Walls of insincerity, 

Shifting eyes and vacancy 

Vanished when I saw your face  

 Your eyes whispered, 

"Have we met?" 

Across the room your silhouette 

Starts to make its way to me 

All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you 

 This night is sparkling, don't you let it go 

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home 

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew 

I was enchanted to meet you 

 The lingering question kept me up 

2 AM, who do you love? 

I wonder 'til I'm wide awake 

And now I'm pacing back and forth 

Wishing you were at my door 

I'd open up and you would say, 

"Hey, 

It was enchanting to meet you, 

All I know is I was enchanted to meet you." 

This night is flawless, don't you let it go 

I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone 

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew 

I was enchanted to meet you 

 This is me praying that:

 This was the very first page 

Not where the story line ends 

My thoughts will echo your name 

Until I see you again 

These are the words I held back 

As I was leaving too soon :

I was enchanted to meet you 

 Please don't be in love with someone else...

Please don't have somebody waiting on you... 

 ........................
Bah. Who am I kidding? You were too good to be true. Dreams like this don't ever come to be.

My Proud Heart Needs Prayer

"God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore, submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up." -James 4:6-10

I've Never Really Liked The Number 13...

Maybe I'm just grumpy. Maybe it's that I haven't been alone in a while. Maybe all these migraines are just frying my hormones to a grouchy crisp. But I just can't see much of a bright side. I have low expectations for this year. I'll sleep it off and there'll be joy in the morning. I missed being with my friends for the night. That creeping sensation of being forgotten is familiar in my heart. I'm still a little sad. I hate these little times of melodrama in me. The suck, and everyone hates them. So, anyways. Goodnight. Enjoy your awkward numbered year.

Second Annual Reason For The Ribbons Day

  Today was my second annual Reason for the Ribbons Day. Because I believe writing out the full, detailed story behind RfR would most likely do more harm than good, I will simply give this poem.

Ribbons, ribbons

Hide these fresh scars

Heal my heart and take this pain far

 

Far away from a tender mind

Conceal my fears and watch me die

Hold my hand while I wish for peace

Create this illusion of happiness

 

Ribbons, ribbons

You let me down

What you couldn't hide was seen, was found.

 

Ribbons, ribbons

Now remind me

Of everything I've done

What I've survived--where I've gone wrong

 

Seal my fate in the gates of Heaven

Ribbons, in remembrance of

The Hell they pulled me through.

~dated March, 2011

  Will you celebrate this day with me? May I always worship God, who has preserved me though I have been unfaithful.